When my husband and I got married, family members asked, "So when are moving out of the city?" Not if, but when. We've now lived in Astoria over 10 years and have no plans to move. But most Americans grew up in the suburbs and so when they settle down to start a family, that's where they go (or stay). Few people factor the environment and the smaller carbon footprint of city living into the equation. As an urbanite who grew up in the suburbs, I know the difficulty of going against your own cultural background. Plus, the key factor in suburban living is convenience. And let’s face it: a convenient lifestyle is very tempting for someone with small children.
But just like a walk when you’re feeling lazy can revitalize you, breaking out of the conventional suburban family model can be freeing. The key advantage of city living is a car-free lifestyle. Walking everywhere (the store, school, the library, the pharmacy, the playground, restaurants, bars, the subway) is not just healthier for the environment, it’s healthier for you. Who needs an expensive gym membership if you walk everywhere? Plus, all my walking provides a time for me to talk to my kids in a way you can’t do if you’re driving. And since so many other people in the neighborhood are walking everywhere too, we constantly run into people we know. Not much opportunity for a chat if you’re in a car, but plenty if you’re on the sidewalk! No need to worry about car seats or parking or gas. The average cost of owning a car is $10,000 a year (according to an AAA study), so that considerably reduces any cost benefits of suburban living. And it is safer. The leading cause of death of minors in the US is car accidents. Not violent crime, not disease, car accidents. Riding in a car is the single most dangerous thing most Americans do on a daily basis, so why wouldn’t you want to reduce how much you do it or have your children do it?
When my kids are bigger, this lifestyle will give them a lot of freedom since they will not rely on their parents for transportation. They can take the subway (a much safer mode of transport than cars, despite the depictions in 1970’s crime dramas). Many suburban teenagers feel trapped if their parents are reluctant to drive them around since more sprawling suburbs have virtually no place they can get to without a car. This will not happen to our kids.
I can understand not wanting to live in a high-rise apartment building in a densely urban area. We don’t. We own an actual house (attached) with a back deck, backyard, and basement. It is small, but has what we need, including a play room off the kitchen. Our backyard has enough space for an abundance of flowers, some vegetables, several small trees, a sandbox, and a seesaw. In the snow, our children go out there to build snowmen and make snow angels. In the summer, they play in a baby pool and a water table. We hosted many barbecues last summer and there was plenty of room for all.
One interesting thing about not having a lot of space is that you tend to use the space you have more effectively. Walk down our street with its attached homes and you’ll see the tiny front yards covered in fruit trees, vegetable gardens, and colorful blooms. In many suburban areas, the oversized front yards are nothing but grass and often empty of anyone actually using them. In fact, I find that I spend way more time in my tiny back yard than people I know who have double the space in their own suburban backyards.
Contrary to what many people may think, New Yorkers in general spend far more time outside than people in the surrounding suburbs. I notice this just by taking a look at what people wear on a daily basis. This winter, most folks in my neighborhood didn’t leave the house without a puffer coat and serious winter boots. Go to the suburbs and you’ll see people leaving the house in wool coats and ballet flats or loafers.
I walk my son back and forth to school everyday (15 min each way, which adds up to one hour for me) plus any errands we run or playground time. That’s a lot of walking and a lot of outdoor time. If the weather is nice, we go to the playground twice a day. I love it. We see the same moms and children there, so there is a great sense of community. Having a shared space means that my kids interact with other children enriching their social skills on a daily basis. Plus, I get to have actual adult conversations with the other moms at the park. Yes, I know there is community and shared space in the suburbs. My suburban friends participate in all number of classes and programs with their children, which is great. But they have also expressed a sense of isolation for how they spend the rest of their time. And isolation is one of the few things that is hard to find in the city.
I understand that not everyone can make the shift from a suburban family lifestyle to city living. But if we can just make the environment part of the conversation, maybe everyone can at least reduce their dependence on cars and their carbon footprint a little. And maybe then our planet won't be completely doomed.
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