Astoriamom

Parklife

In my former life as a preschool teacher, a co-worker once said that children should be outside everyday, with the possible exception of under freezing temperatures or heavy rain. That remark has stuck with me and I spend as much time as possible outdoors with the kids, unless it's raining or below 32 degrees. Now that summer has arrived, we basically live at the park. A morning trip around 10-noon and an afternoon trip around 4:30-6. The kids get exercise, fresh air, and social interaction. I get a chance to interact with other adults. I love it.

Astoria has no shortage of playgrounds. Here's a run down of those that we checked out:

Ditmars Park (Steinway, between 23rd Ave and Ditmars): Our closest playground, we generally go here for the convenience factor, but it's actually one of my favorite local parks. A lockable gate and open sight lines make it a safe space to let your kids run. And the water fountain provides endless hours of amusement for the kids, particularly if your kids love to get wet as much as mine do. Since many other families also go there on a daily basis, it has a strong sense of community. My children have made good friends there and so have I. Although...I often only learn the names of the other kids which creates the awkward situation of not knowing the names of some other mothers that I've been talking to for years, and about fairly intimate topics. Oops.

Paul Raimonda Playground (47 Street, between 21st and 20th Ave): Personally, I find this one a bit sketchy. It's often deserted except for some questionable characters and doesn't have the range of equipment of other playgrounds.

Hoyt Playground (31st Street and Astoria Blvd): Nicknamed by my family as the Dragon Playground for the dragon fountain in the middle of the park, I have mixed feelings about this playground. A sprawling park on a busy intersection, I find its size and location makes it difficult to control the children. The highway and busy streets surrounding it create a constant, unpleasant soundtrack. However, the actual playground has some fun equipment. And the close proximity to the family-friendly Beer Garden is a definite plus.

PS 85  (29th Street, between 23rd Rd and 24th Ave): I have recently discovered this hidden gem on the recommendation of another mom in the area. The school opens its playground to the public when the school children are not utilizing it (so not during recess or an after school program, which generally start around 5pm). The manageable space has a convenient, lockable gate to prevent mischief makers from escaping. But it also has great slides and fun areas for toddlers to explore as well. Definitely worth a trip if you want a safe, fun outdoor play space for your kids.

Charybdis Playground (Astoria Park): Then, of course, there's Astoria Park. Before Willa, Nate and I used to go here on a fairly regular basis. We would either make the considerable walk over (about 40 min for me) or hop on the bus. I've been a bit more reluctant to make the trip with two, but we do go on occasion and make a day of it. I'll pack a picnic lunch, get the kids in the mega stroller and walk over. The playground has a fun range of equipment for different ages with a pleasing view of the East River. Right next door is the Astoria Park pool, which is free and can be a good time. Although it does have a strict policy of requiring all visitors to lock absolutely everything in the chaotic changing room, except a towel (so no phones, toys, or anything else allowed by the pool). The park has fields with large trees, perfect for an afternoon picnic. Worth the hike, no matter where in Astoria you live.

   

This list contains just those playgrounds that I've frequented. Almost every neighborhood in Astoria has its own outdoor play space. So all summer, we'll be at the park, climbing, sliding, swinging, fountain splashing, bubble blowing, and water balloon popping. Enjoy the sunshine!

 

Sleep Uninterrupted

Since becoming a mom I have dreamed of an unattainable goal: a full night's sleep. But, as I have said before, both of my kids have been terrible sleepers. Even if miraculously they do sleep through the night (an occurrence so rare I could count the times it happened this year on one hand), I generally wake up frequently, thinking I hear them. I'm so used to the constant night awakenings, that my body can no longer sleep deeply. Any white noise, a fan or the AC, somehow morphs into my child crying. But of course, the actual crying is even worse. And what to do about it is the million dollar question. How do you get your baby to - sleep like a baby?

Sleep constitutes one of the biggest challenges to parents of small children and among the most hotly debated. A polarizing issue, it has led parents to completely opposite conclusions, sure of their own sleep solution. I personally have heard some parents (and some books) say that if you do not sleep train, your children will develop insomnia and never be able to sleep on their own. In contrast, I have also heard from other parents (and Dr. Sears) that if you do "cry it out", your children will develop permanent psychological damage. Some attachment parenting advocates point out that in developing countries all babies cosleep and sleep training does not exist. But here's the thing: in many such communities, people live in extended family groups and raise their children with their relatives. If you're up all night nursing your baby, you can rely on help the next day from a mother or aunt or sister. Our rather unnatural nuclear family model in the US makes full attachment parenting a daunting challenge for any parent.

My personal view is somewhere in the middle. I do not think you will permanently damage your child by sleep training or by going to them every single time they cry. I think it is important to have a consistent routine that helps your child feel safe and loved when they go to bed. But I have known parents on completely opposite sides of this issue whose children turn out just fine. I think that different kids have different needs. And some kids sleep great almost from infancy, while others just don't. I do feel that sleep training might be necessary to preserve your own sanity. But in my experience, sleep training is not a one-time thing that fixes the issue completely. Like my son's nightmares or my daughter's teething, various developmental issues affect your child's sleep and, even if they have gone through some form of sleep training, they can revert back to night awakening at a later point.

After reading almost every book I could get my hands on about this issue, I opted for a blend of techniques. We keep to a pretty set routine:

1. Dinner
2. Bath/ Getting Ready
3. Two Books
4. Snuggle and Sleep

As per The No Cry Sleep Solution, I try not to nurse Willa to sleep. I break the latch before she's completely out and try to put her down while she's slightly (very slightly) awake, then rub her back if she fusses. I try not to go to Willa as soon as she cries. We've had our own set of challenges since the children share a room and we don't want her to wake up her brother. Luckily, he's the deeper sleeper. If he wakes up, it's almost a guarantee that she will. And when she does wake up, we normally just put Willa in bed with us and then give her access to the all-night buffet.

This week, I have been staying at my folks' house and had the luxury of putting the kids in two different rooms. So I have been trying to do a form of cry it out for Willa. I have been letting her cry for at least 15 min (with the plan to increase the amount each time she wakes up). The first night, she woke up around 2 something (fairly typical). I waited 15 minutes, then nursed her, and put her back in her crib to sleep. The second night was similar, but Willa woke up when I put her back in the crib. Exhausted, I just left and, after just a few minutes of crying, she went back to sleep. The next night, I had just gotten to sleep when she woke up around 11:30.  I let her cry for a bit more than 15 min and then all was quiet until almost 7. Last night, I heard her cry at 12:30 for about a minute before she fell back asleep. I heard her again at 4 something say rather calmly, "Mommy? Mommy?" And then nothing until 7ish again. I have high hopes for tonight!

Of course, I do also have a 3-yr-old who shared my room this week. And almost every night this week, he has woken up. It's either his sister's crying, a potty need, a request for a light on, or a wish to snuggle. I just keep telling myself, this too shall pass. And then I'll probably miss it. Or I'll just enjoy a long-awaited full night's sleep.

Bump Spotting Blues

This Sunday, the whole family went to Nate's gymnastics class exhibition at the Beer Garden. I love going there since it's one of the few places that's both family friendly and serves alcohol. Beautiful weather, nice friends, I was having a lovely time. Plus, I thought I looked pretty good. I'd had my nails done a couple days before. I'd taken a shower, blowed out my hair, and put on make-up (all rather rare occurrences). Wearing a navy maxi dress with gold flip flops, I was having a perfectly pleasant conversation with a local dad I know from the playground. Then he looked at me and said, "You guys are expecting another? Congrats!"

My mood completely dropped. We are not expecting another. I just sort of shook my head and Willa thankfully ran off at that point, so I had a good excuse to leave. Why would you ask that question unless you were certain? Particularly when the person you're asking has an alcoholic beverage in their hand. Sadly, several people have asked me in recent months. And the fact is, I don't blame them for wondering. I am back down to the same weight I was literally in highschool, but I am still sporting a first trimester-type bump. Though not a gym goer, I am very active and walk all the time. I thought that this annoying pouch was just some lingering baby weight that would work itself out and then I discovered that there could be another explanation.

Diastasis Recti. Commonly defined as a gap of roughly 2.7 cm or greater between the two sides of the abdominal muscles, this condition happens in 35-62% of postpartum women. It can be diagnosed by lying down on your back with your knees bent and your feet flat on the ground. You then lift up your head and see how many fingers you can place in between your abdominal muscles. If it's more than two fingers, then you may have this issue. Here's a good video which shows a self diagnosis test:

Risk factors include:

1. excessive weight gain during pregnancy
2. older maternal age (over 35)
3. multiple pregnancies
4. close successive pregnancies (within one year)
5. pregnancies with multiples

Treatment depends on the severity of the separation. For mild diastasis recti, most doctors would probably just recommend physical therapy or some specialized exercises (as discussed in the video above). Contrary to what you might think, crunches or certain yoga poses can actually increase the separation. For more severe cases, surgery can correct the condition. Diastasis recti can increase your chances of a hernia or incontinence, so if you think your postpartum pouch is more than just a bit of excess weight you should discuss it with your doctor.

I think surgery would be too much in my instance since it's mostly just a vanity issue. My doctor told me to make an appointment with her and says she would recommend physical therapy for it.

If you do have this problem, know that you are in good company. Last October, actress Jennifer Garner went on the Ellen Degeneres' Show to confirm that she did have a baby bump but not because she was pregnant. I find it comforting that even beautiful celebrities experience mommy tummy and the annoyingly inappropriate question that comes along with it.

Sources:

http://www.mamalionstrong.com/diastasis-recti-questions-answers/

http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/diastasis-recti/AN02153 

http://www.webmd.com/baby/guide/abdominal-separation-diastasis-recti

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Diastasis_recti

http://hollywoodlife.com/2014/07/30/jennifer-garner-pregnant-fourth-child-ben-affleck/

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GyCIfhOFewQ

 

 

 

 

The Food Dilemma

My son Nate used to be a great eater. From the time we introduced solid food, he gobbled everything down - green beans, squash, prunes, he loved it all. As he grew, he continued to love his veggies. He would devour slice after slice of zucchini. Blueberries were like candy (which we never let him have) and at one sitting I think he must have consumed about 50. We were so good about not giving any sweets but fruit and he never wanted them. And then he turned three.

Now I can make a very short list of the items he will actually eat:

1. Pizza (of course)

2. Pasta (as long as it's correct shape with the appropriate type of sauce)

3. Chicken Nuggets (or more accurately, Morning Star's vegetarian equivalent)

4. Mac and Cheese (as long as it's Kraft. There was an incident last fall when a relative tried to serve him homemade mac and cheese. It did not go well.)

5. Pancakes

6. Ice Cream

7. Chocolate Chip Cookies

He will eat other items on occasion, such as raw carrots, cheese, green beans, or chicken. I made salmon this week which by some miracle he did eat. But here's the thing: he might not. I'll make a dinner of salmon or a pasta dish we don't have often and, even if he's eaten it in the past, he might not have a single bite. The dessert bribe does sometimes work and I frequently use it. But sometimes even the lure of a chocolate chip cookie won't persuade him to eat his dinner.

Some parents told us that if their children won't eat dinner, they don't eat. They don't try to give them something like cheerios just so that they don't go to bed with an empty belly. We don't usually either, but I feel awful if Nate won't have anything at all. Sometimes he just doesn't seem hungry. He's strong and growing fine, so I'm not too concerned. But I do worry his diet is not what it should be. Gone are the days when he was eating lentils and peas. Now I have to think with each meal, is there something here Nate will actually eat? I try to have some item as part of dinner that I'm pretty sure will work: rice, corn bread, a roll ( we are very anti-Atkins in our house). And then hope he'll eat at least some of the more nutritious part of the meal. But it is a challenge.

I'm not sure the best approach. I wish I could just revert him back to his former healthy habits. I'm hoping this is just a phase and he will get less picky over time. But who knows? His sister is an incredible eater, consumer of all manner of veggies and fish and cheese. For now...