Yesterday, I attended my first yoga class in almost five years. I had been a fairly active yogi prior to my pregnancy with Nate. I had even toyed with the idea of training to become a yoga instructor. In my gym-going days, I had found a yoga instructor I loved at The Rock. When The Giving Tree Yoga Studio first opened, I checked it out and was happily surprised to find out that she, Anne-Margaret, had co-founded the studio with her husband. During my childfree years, I loved going there. I like my yoga physically challenging, but not fast pace, with just a dose of spirituality - nothing too hokey, but a touch of meditation or essential oils. I would leave class with a feeling of peace, heightened senses, and comfortable physical fatigue.
During my first pregnancy, I attended prenatal classes regularly. When I lost the baby, I worried that maybe some kind of physical exertion, such as that class, contributed to that loss. So when I was pregnant with Nate, I avoided any extra exercise. I went to work and came home, lying down as much as possible. After his birth, I kept meaning to go to Baby and Me yoga but I just never seemed to get there. I thought about attending a yoga class on my own, but I didn't get much farther than think of it. My pregnancy with Willa was far different. I didn't have the luxury of sitting stationary at a desk all day or lying on the couch watching movies when I was home. I was up early and all night with Nate and spent my time running after a very active toddler, going to the playground, lifting up 30 lbs of boy on a regular basis. Even if I had wanted to do prenatal yoga, I would have had neither the time or the energy.
Why has it taken me another two years to make it to a yoga class? I have seriously looked at the class schedule probably almost once a month during that time. I had wanted to take Willa to a Baby and Me class last year when Nate was in school, but no such classes were ever scheduled during that time. I wanted to go on my own, but had trouble overcoming all the obstacles in the way. In order to attend a class I have to:
1. have someone watching the kids, so it has to be either a night or weekend or we have to have a sitter
2. decide not to spend this rare kidfree time doing tasks that need to be done, ie. grocery shopping, cleaning, computing (such as writing this blog), or cooking - which is what I generally do when we have a sitter.
3. decide not to spend this time doing something for me that requires less physical exertion, ie. sleeping, eating, reading a book in a coffee shop (I did this once for an hour when I had a sitter and it was utter heaven!), watching tv, or drinking.
In fact, the overwhelming amount of things I always feel I need or want to do made yoga, something I formerly loved, a very low priority. But here's the thing: parents need to set time aside for themselves. Not only because it helps maintain their own sanity (which can definitely degrade from parenting small children!), but because it helps them be better parents. If I don't do something apart from childcare all week, my patience gets worn and I become a mean mom. I find it challenging to continue non-essential activities that held an important place in my life pre-children - like yoga, playing my harp, singing, going to church. But when I avoid such things completely, I feel a little less. I become entangled in the everyday trials of momhood and as a consequence become not so good a mom.
Self-care is an important part of parenting, because if we are not our best selves, we are certainly not the best parents we can be. And I don't just mean physical self-care like eating right or showering on a daily basis (ooh, wouldn't that be nice). I mean emotional and spiritual self-care. If we don't continue to pursue something for ourselves which helps us feel fulfilled, that void will affect the way we interact with our children. Or at least, it does for me.
So yesterday, we had a sitter. I decided to neglect the housework, prepare dinner later, rest another time, and go to yoga. The class was perfect - Chakra yoga with Kathiana. Just the right blend of physical strain and spirituality. For a blissful hour and a half, I followed the peaceful words of the instructor, letting my breath lead each movement. She kept saying, "Now return to your flow" meaning go through the movements of your vinyasa. After class, I felt that familiar mix of peace and awareness. It continued with me throughout the day - through my dinner preparations with fighting children in the background, through early evening craziness, and until the kids were both finally asleep. And directly after, though it was not even 9:30, I went right to bed, physically exhausted and emotionally at peace. I could get used to this. Namaste.