Astoriamom

Embracing the Spooky

I have always loved Halloween. I like the pumpkins and fall leaves, the dark stories and scary movies, the fun costumes and spooky decorations. But Halloween is even more fun now that I have an excuse to enjoy it: kids.

Now that I have two little monsters to celebrate it, my favorite holiday (well, tied with Christmas) is even better. Here's why:

1. I get their candy. I have a sweet tooth. I don't eat that much candy on a regular basis, nor do I let the kids to have it regularly. But who can resist chocolate, and there's plenty of that this time of year. Plus, since the kids shouldn't have too much, I really have to get rid of some it for their own good.

2. I get to go trick-or-treating. I have always loved trick-or-treating. Being out with everyone else all dressed up in costumes, everyone greeting you with candy at the neighborhood houses and (in Astoria) stores. I actually love the whole trick-or-treating in stores in Astoria. It adds a real sense of community to this Halloween tradition.

3. I get an excuse to dress up. I actually think I may have dressed up every Halloween...Even as an adult, I usually attended some party or another or just even wore a costume to work. As I said, I really like Halloween. I don't like to wear anything crazy - I prefer to go classic and generally stick to old standards like a witch, vampire, or fairy. But now that I have kids, I feel that it is perfectly acceptable for me to be in costume.

4. I have a reason to make Halloween treats. I recently hosted a Halloween party for some of my kids' friends and their parents. I had so much creating an array of spooky snacks and treats - cheese and pretzel broomsticks, clementine pumpkins, fudge stripe witch hats, Halloween shaped sandwiches, and frozen hand punch. Yes, I suppose I could make these things for an adult Halloween party, but they seem much more fitting with kids around.

5. I can share the joy of one of my favorite times of year with my two favorite people. I love their excitement at picking out their own costumes (Nate has been obsessed with Star Wars lately and Willa was determined to be an owl for some reason. Nate tried to convince her to be Princess Leah and she said adamantly, "Willa be hoo-hoo, not princess!") I love watching their wonder at all the spooky decorations in the neighborhood. I love that Halloween fun is something we all enjoy.

So bring on the spooky and let the Halloween festivities begin!

The Plight of the Second Child

When I was pregnant with Willa, I worried about how her birth would affect Nate. He was pretty much the sole focus of my life for two full years. He never even had a babysitter, other than grandparents. I spent every day, all day with him. I worried about his adjustment to sharing my affection with another child. But I also felt bad for Willa, knowing she would never experience that undivided attention that Nate had known.

During her first year, Willa shared me with a rather demanding two-year-old. I never went to a Meetup group for moms of newborns with her (which I did with Nate), because I knew it would be a challenge to bring a toddler along. Luckily, one of my best friends conveniently had a baby a few months later and introduced me to all of her lovely mom friends with babies around Willa's age. Poor Willa also did not go to the classes or open play sessions that Nate had experienced his first year since I found it just too difficult to bring a newborn and a two-year-old. Honestly, my own adjustment to having two children definitely took some time.

The fact is that parents nearly always treat their second child differently than their first. In some ways, this difference can be good. Many first-time parents, including myself to an extent, feel over-protective of their first child and constantly hover nearby, fearing any imagined danger. By the time the second one comes around, they have realized that children are not quite as fragile as they thought and they usually give the second a bit more room to explore. Of course, this freedom also stems from the inevitable fatigue that parents with multiple children feel. And it is almost impossible to devote the same energy towards the second child's babyhood, because your time needs to be split with the other child you're raising. So in a way, the second child gets the raw end of the deal.

A second child myself, I know that there are pros and cons. The aforementioned freedom that parents allow second children might encourage them to be more independent and more adaptable to new situations than their older siblings. Willa certainly lacks the the caution that inhibits her brother from big slides and lake swimming. She already slides down the curly slide at our playground and the covered slide at Bounce and Play that her brother still avoids. She is also fiercely independent. Her current favorite phrase is "By own self". She constantly uses this phrase to stop me from helping her down the stairs, taking off her shoes, even holding her hand to cross the street (though of course I grab it anyway). Her independence is a stark contrast to Nate, who still on occasion asks us to feed him and often says "I can't" when encouraged to do things on his own. 

Second children also tend to get away with more.  Parents often get progressively less strict again from the realization that children are not too breakable. This can of course be good or bad, depending on the child. I know I certainly bent the rules a lot more than my big sis and this was not always for the best...My parents admit that my sister did command a lot of their attention, so I was often on my own. Again this might have encouraged my independence or the rich imaginative world I had as a child, but it also may have made me feel a bit...less important at times. Second children can feel as if they live in their sibling's shadow. When I was graduating middle school, my sister was graduating high school. When I was graduating high school, my sister was graduating college. When I was graduating graduate school, my sister was getting married. There was a sense that no matter what I was doing, it was not quite as significant as what my sister was doing. 

It was not until Nate started preschool last year that Willa finally got some well-deserved mommy bonding time, although it was only a few hours a few days a week. We finally participated in a music class and I organized my own playdate so that she could socialize with some little ones her own age. Now that Nate is in preschool, Willa gets me to herself everyday 8-1. We are in another class and still have our weekly playdate, but I also cherish the time when it's just me and my little girl.

I do not know how being a second child will affect Willa as she grows up. I think her independence and explorative nature will be an advantage, but I hope that lack of attention she may experience doesn't damage or disadvantage her in some way. Of course, there is one definite plus to being a second child. All her life, she will have someone a little older and more experienced who will look out for her and love her.